All Alone with One Another

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When I learned Greek and Hebrew, I found it helpful to use mnemonic devices to memorize vocabulary. I would take what the Hebrew or Greek word sounded like, and take the English translation of the word, and then try to come up with a sentence that included both.

So, for example, the Greek word speiro sounds like “sparrow” and it means “to sow.” The mnemonic device I used was “I sow seeds the sparrows eat.” Another example is with the Greek preposition epi. It sounds somewhat close to “I pee” and means “upon, on, at, by” and so I used the mnemonic device “I pee upon, on, at, or by the tree.” It’s crude humor, but it worked for me!

One Greek word I always thought was somewhat ironic was the Greek word allelon. It means “one another.” The device I used to memorize this word is “all alone with one another.” I found this device ironic because you would think that no one can be all alone when they are with other people, but the truth is that some people are never more alone than when they are with others.

oneanother

Some of the most lonely people I know are those who have the most friends and go to the most parties. They party as an attempt to fight back the encroaching loneliness that threatens to choke them every minute of every day. Their nearly manic efforts to always be with people and around other people are all because they feel loneliness taking over their lives. Though they are with people all the time, they are all alone most of that time.

The reason behind this is that although such people might be with others all the time, very few of those others actually know the person.

Marriage is a great example of this. Many people get married partly because they think marriage will help them to finally escape the deep sense of being alone. They feel that if they get married, they will never be alone again. But millions of married couples discover a few months after the wedding that they feel more alone than ever before! This person who is supposed to love them, know them, and care for them like no one else on earth, seems to be too busy, too distracted, or too concerned with other matters. As a result, millions of married couples are never more alone than when they are in the same room with their spouse. Such a sense of deep loneliness will quickly suffocate and destroy the marriage. I believe that such loneliness is so widespread, it is probably the largest threat to the institution of marriage today.

But there is another societal institution which is threatened by widespread loneliness among its members. This other institution is the church. The vast majority of the people involved with a church feel incredibly lonely, even when they are in the same room with other people.  In church, we often feel all alone, even when we are with one another. We are allelon with one another.

I always find it interesting when pastors and teachers tell us that we can fulfill the “one anothers” in Scripture by joining a church, faithfully attending on Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night, and by getting involved in a church ministry. In my experience–and I don’t think I am “alone” in this–such activities do little to quell the sense of being all alone with one another in church. The solution to feeling alone in church is not to attend more church services and Bible studies.

What is needed, and what Scripture calls for, is not just being in the same room with one another, or heading in the same ministry direction with one another, but actually getting to know one another by digging into their lives and letting them dig into ours.This is painful, scary, and messy. Sometimes it leads to shouting; other times to tears. But the more you truly learn about the lives of the people around you, and the more you let them learn about you, the less likely you are to feel all alone with one another. Instead, you will begin to practice the Christian life with allelon (one another).

So who in your life can you get to know more deeply today?


This is a blog post in a Chain Blog started by Alan Knox. Read on to learn about the other links in the chain, and to find out how you can participate in this chain blog.

Links in the ‘One Another’ Chain Blog

  1. Chain Blog: One Another - Alan Knox
  2. Linking One Another - Swanny
  3. What Does It Mean to Love One Another? - Chuck McKnight
  4. The treasure of ‘One Another’ - Jim Puntney
  5. This is how the world shall recognise you… - Kathleen Ward
  6. Accepting one another in love - Chris Jefferies
  7. One Another: A meta-narrative for the church - Part One and Part Two by Greg Gamble
  8. Individualism and “One Another” - Pieter Pretorius
  9. All Alone with One Another” by Jeremy Myers
  10. When It’s Okay for Christians to Compete” by Joshua Lawson
  11. Jesus Christ, the Corner Stone for One Another” by Peter
  12. Be Superficial with One Another” by Jon
  13. The Unmentionable One Anothers” by Alan Knox
  14. Loving More Fully and Widely” by Chris Jefferies
  15. The One Another Weapon” by Dan Allen
  16. “Corporate One-Anothering” Part One and Part Two by David Bolton
  17. The Last Revival” by Tobie van der Westhuizen
  18. Love: a ‘One Another’ Comic” by Dan Allen
  19. I Can Only Love You If…” by Rob
  20. It Was Lost in Translation” by Nelson
  21. Consider Others Better Than Yourself” by Chuck McKnight
  22. Who will write the twenty-second link post in the chain?

Chain Blog Rules

  1. If you would like to write the next blog post (link) in this chain, leave a comment stating that you would like to do so. If someone else has already requested to write the next link, then please wait for that blog post and leave a comment there requesting to write the following link.
  2. Feel free to leave comments here and discuss items in this blog post without taking part in the actual “chain.” Your comments and discussion are very important in this chain blog (both this post and the other link posts in the chain).
  3. When you write a link in this chain, please reply in the comments of the previous post to let everyone know that your link is ready. Also, please try to keep an updated list of links in the chain at the bottom of your post, and please include these rules at the bottom of your post.

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  • http://twitter.com/JimPuntney Jim Puntney

    Thanks Jeremy, I can relate to the crowd and alone feeling. It is ironic that the place where “one another” is to be the strongest in church, this can often be one of the most alone in a crowd experiences.

    On the flip side of this I’m a part of a small group that meet each Thursday evening online although physically there is distance, in love, grace, and community we are very close. This is all made possible by our sponsor, Jesus Christ.

    • http://www.tillhecomes.org/ Jeremy Myers

      Jim,

      Yes. I think many churches recognize the importance of small groups for this very reason. It is also one reason we see a new interest in home churches and organic churches. Small groups are better for helping people truly connect with one another as Scripture calls us to do.

  • http://missionallendale.wordpress.com/ Joey Espinosa

    My former church (we moved as in-state missionaries, 3 hours away) is having a high school retreat this weekend. There will be about 240 high school kids and leaders there. A lot of these adults I know, and I’m looking forward to worshiping and catching up with them.

    But I’m also bringing up 5 teenage boys with me from this area. I coach 4 of them on the football team, and there is another guy that I know. I’m excited for all of them — most kids here have never been to the mountains (only a few hours away). And I’m really excited about the opportunity throughout the weekend (including the 4 hour car trips) to get to know them more.

    • http://www.tillhecomes.org/ Jeremy Myers

      I love car trips! Stick 5-10 people in a car for a few hours, and you can often learn about them. Of course, ipods are making this harder these days… but it’s kind of hard to outlaw them. Ha!

  • Alan Knox

    Jeremy,

    Thanks for taking part in the chain blog! You are SO correct. Being involved in more activities is NOT the same as being involved in one another’s lives. In the past, I’ve been part of many programs and projects in which the people claimed fellowship and care and love for one another. But, once the program or project ended, guess what else ended? The relationships… Which shows that there was very little relationship (“one another”) going on in the first place.

    -Alan

    • http://www.tillhecomes.org/ Jeremy Myers

      Alan,
      I have seen (and experienced) this so often also. The relationship ends with the service project. Of course, perpetual service projects rarely work either, as people get burned out. Do you think it is possible to develop “ministry groups” which serve together over long periods of time, but in different ministry areas, taking short breaks every now and then?

      • Alan Knox

        Jeremy,

        Yes, it is possible, and I’ve been part of several. The difference is that the “ministry groups” begin with relationships built on our mutual connection to Christ. If the group begins based on a particular project or program, it’s difficult to move past that project/program.

        -Alan

  • http://twitter.com/ChurchInACircle Kathleen Ward

    Thanks for the mnemonic – the irony packs a punch. I think there are many people who feel very alone in church, and the way we meet together just enhances the feeling. We “spiritualise” our time together so much that we forget to build relationships with each other.

    • http://www.tillhecomes.org/ Jeremy Myers

      Yes. Even as the pastor, I often felt terribly alone. As the pastor, of course, I could never truly open up with anybody about my fear, doubts, and struggles.

  • http://www.beingfilled.com/ Chuck McKnight

    Yes. This, perhaps more than anything, is the problem with the “institutional church.” Being together in the same room is not the same thing as loving one-another.

    Granted, there are some institutional churches that manage to get this right. At the same time, there are “organic churches” that still manage to botch this.

    Regardless of church model, we must be committed to Christ and to being his church together.

    • http://www.tillhecomes.org/ Jeremy Myers

      Chuck,

      Great point. There is no magical model for fixing this. I was actually part of a church in Texas that somewhat followed the “institutional” model (though they would hate for me to describe them that way!), and they were living out the “one anothers” in ways I had never seen or experienced before. Much of this, I believe, was because the lead pastor modeled and practiced it so well in his own life and ministry.

  • Mike

    The loneliest I have ever been was within the institutional church. In my experience, it was the performance side of the religion of christianity that created millions of hypocrites every Sunday. We, especially me, want to put on our best in front of everyone so we assume certain roles within the church. We create personas that garner praise and respect from one another, never opening up about lust, greed, pride, envy, etc…
    Believe it or not one of the reasons I went to seminary for over 12 years was to simply get the respect I felt I deserved from those within the church (especially other ministers). I wanted to be called Dr. Mike Keffer. Such pride, such arrogance!
    I felt like vomiting when I think back on all of this.
    Now in my secular job, I try to reflect Christ to my employees. I know them. One is a struggling single mom, going without for her kids. She was abused growing up. One just buried her brother, her brother in law died yesterday. One had to move back in with her father. One is so broke we goes without eating so his daughters have enough. One has a husband going into kidney failure. One has a mother who was admitted to the hospital this morning.
    I weep for these people, I feel their pain. Yes, I am their boss, but I am also an ambassador for Christ and I model Him before them. I don’t hand out tracts, don’t need to…they know God is real because I have proved it to them.
    I was never this close to anyone in the church.
    Loneliness is real, I was there, a slave to performance and “doing things for Christ” so I left that behind to love those that are led my way. I still feel alone because no one here gets it, but in a lot of ways but I am closer to Christ now so the loneliness has to sneek up on me when I am vulnerable, not fcousing on Jesus.
    Mike

    • http://www.tillhecomes.org/ Jeremy Myers

      Mike,

      I am with you. I often still feel alone as well. We just moved to Oregon and left some really good friends, and some days the loneliness is crushing. We desperately need the “one anothers” of Scripture. I am seeking more help in learning how to live them out, and other followers of Jesus are great helps in this. Let’s keep encouraging one another!

      • Mike

        Why do we do it Jeremy? Why do believers pretend everything is fine! I shock people sometimes by the manner of my prayers to God. “You sound angry” “Why do you talk to God like that?” Reading the Psalms I see David down-right honest with God; complaining, weeping, begging for God’s presence, etc….
        Can we be honest in the church? No. Can I say I have a problem with pride? No. So we bottle all of this up inside, become withdrawn even further from our brothers and sisters and before we know it, we are desperately lonely.
        Thanks for this outlet Jeremy.
        Mike

  • Sam

    Isn’t this a variation on Hans Christian Anderson’s tale “The Emperor’s New Clothes” or as I think of it “The Emperor Has No Clothes?” We all pretend that the church is one big happy family. Everyone else says so, so we don’t want to say that somehow we’ve been left out, because we don’t want to be the odd guy out.

    Undoubtedly there are church groups that are not like this. But every church group we, and most people we know, have been a part of are not one big happy family. They’re a bunch of strangers who sit in the same room for an hour or two each week, all faced the same direction, watching a program, a presentation, a performance. Then they go home.

    A person would have to be stupid not to pick up on the implication that one must “fit in” to be accepted. This includes attending, giving money, agreeing with the church’s teachings (on baptism, women, gays, abortion, creationism, politics, or whatever), giving money, not rocking the boat, giving money, giving time, giving money, dressing and acting the “right” way, giving more money, placing the leadership on a pedestal, and finally giving money.

    One can do all of these things and still be lonely – busy and broke, but lonely. Eventually you figure out that you’ve been promised “fellowship”, but actually ended up polishing the egos of the few, doing their work for them and paying them a handsome salary for smiling, shaking your hand and perhaps saying a few words (which more often than not amounts to stating their opinion on various topics).

    There is an alternative – Getting to know each other. We gave up on the church folk. They want to pretend they’re someone they’re not. (Some of us call them “The Pretenders”. Others call them “The Posers”) So we have been getting to know our neighbors. (This includes more than just people who live near us. It includes almost everyone who crosses our path during the day, such a store clerks, people who live in the street and so on.)

    • http://www.tillhecomes.org/ Jeremy Myers

      Sam,
      I like the analogy with the Emperor Has No Clothes. I do indeed think there are similarities. Those in church leadership (you and I were both in that position) know that people feel lonely in the pews, but since we rarely know what else to do differently, we just keep calling people to dance and shout louder to our tune.

      As you say, I am trying to get to know people, but the process sure is slow!

  • Peter

    most small groups certainly is a answer for those already churched and high percent already a believer, Great learning and encouraging other to express ones gifting and accountability. In a leadership vision casting meeting, a question looking for answer. How much time does it take the body to introduce and bring to faith a new person or family.. I stated I thought 200 hrs.or 6-8 months depending on how many people are interacting and what frequency. One of the reason for “fail” on the body’s report card is that it is easy to love someone who loves you back.. Messy, difficult, rejection prone, interruptei of our “Faith” lives. But that is why we were saved to live in community to effect everything around us. no matter where we go and what we do. Little instruction and support for that in a particular body. Parts missing like building a engine discussing the parts and Hp, how cool it looks etc. at some point it is meant to be started. making noise and providing a purpose and service to what it is connected to. caring for the lost is difficult thankless at times, but when one confesses with their lips of their faith in God and intents to walk in Him. even the stones cry out.It should empower us to be active in seeking the way to be river of living water spoke on John. 7. Sam’s comment below that we sit facing same direction is Greek linier thinking. We have moved in 2000 years from Hebraic to Greek understanding and approach to church. I would content even study of the bible. Returning to early church methods, any 12 people would change the culture around them over time.

    • http://www.tillhecomes.org/ Jeremy Myers

      I think that maybe the church is flexible and adaptable enough to function fine in a Greek linear model of thinking… It is inspiring to think that if we were all who Jesus wanted us to be, just a dozen of us could change the culture!

  • Alan Knox

    I’ve written a new post for the chain blog called “The Unmentionable One Anothers.” I’d love your input!

    -Alan