Here is some random wrap-up stuff which I thought fit this “Is Your Church Worse than Porn” series (Part 1, Part 2).

First, a movie.

Second a comic strip from  The ongoing Adventures of the ASBO Jesus. (Subscribe to this comic blog if you don’t already.)

Finally, a quote from Vince Antonucci’s new book I Became a Christian and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt (p. 81). Go buy his book if you haven’t already! Prior to this quote, Vince writes about how Moses glowed after he met with God, and how we can “glow” too if we meet with God.

But many of us, most of the time, are not glowing. And when we aren’t glowing, like Moses, we cover our disappointment with a veil. We don’t put on a literal veil; we use a veil of smiles and denials. Christians are famous (or infamous) for this. We wear fake, plastered smiles as a twisted badge of honor, pretending that everything’s great all the time. We say things like, “It’s another great day to praise the Lord!” “This is the day the Lord has made!” What? No, nothing’s wrong! God’s blessings just keep getting better every day!” “God is good all the time!” We hide our true disappointment.

Yesterday, I introduced the idea that in some ways, church can be worse than porn. The reason is that while porn causes people to feel inadequate with their sex life, many churches cause people to feel inadequate about their spiritual life. Both are presenting a fantasy that does not match reality. Today, (with a head nod to Jeff Foxworthy) I want to present some signs that you might be in a fantasy church.

You may be in a fantasy church…

If everybody in your church seems happy, fulfilled, and satisfied…all the time.

If during the greeting time, someone asks you how you are doing, and when you answer “Terrible” they smile, nod their head, and say, “That’s nice.” (This actually happened to my wife!)

If you are in a church where everybody seems to have devotions every day, their prayers answered in miraculous ways, and seem to be always talking about God.

If you are in a church where people never seem to sin, have fights with their spouse, get speeding tickets, have trouble with lust or alcohol, or have questions and doubts about what the pastor preaches.

(If you can think of others, please post them in the comments below!)

If you find yourself in a fantasy church, beware!

Trying to be real and authentic in such a place will only get you hurt more deeply. The best thing a person can do who finds themselves in a fantasy church is to leave quietly and find a group of people with whom they can be authentic, open, and honest (even if they are not all Christians!).

My favorite Christian music group, Casting Crowns, has experienced this also, and sings about it in their song “Stained Glass Masquerade”:

I watched a debate last week between porn king Ron Jeremy, and porn pastor Craig Gross. Apparently, the two are traveling around to college campuses and debating the pros and cons of porn. I love what Craig is doing at XXX Church, and his book The Gutter is one of the best books I have ever read. So I really hate to say that in my opinion, Craig lost the debate. There are multiple reasons why, which I won’t go into here. (This is NOT to say I am in favor of porn!)

But something was said during the debate which really got me thinking. One of Craig’s arguments was that porn is fantasy, and people who watch porn are bound to be disappointed by sex, since reality never matches fantasy. This is certainly true, and even Ron Jeremy didn’t deny that porn presents a fantasy.

But Ron’s rebuttal is what really made me think. Ron argued that we all live in a fantasy world. Everything we see on television (not just porn) is fantasy and does not match up with reality. Most of what we see and read in books and magazines is hyped-up, glossed-over, air-brushed fiction. If porn is wrong because porn is fantasy, then almost everything we read and watch and get involved in is wrong as well, becuase most of it is fantasy. Even the way most of us live our lives is fiction. We rarely let people see the inner hurt, pain, depression, frustration, fear, loneliness, and anger.

As my wife and I were talking about this, she made the observation that this fantasy-life fiction is magnified in most churches. We seem to think that since the Bible talks about peace that passes understanding, joy in the midst of trials, contentment in times of need, faith in the face of fear, and happy lives full of holy ambition, that if we don’t have these things, something is wrong with us. And when we look around at others on Sunday morning, and sing the happy songs, and listen to the motivating sermon, we are tempted to think, “Everybody else seems to have what we are so loudly proclaiming. I better act like I do too, or they will think something is wrong with me.”

I think a pretty good case could be made that this sort of church fantasy is more damaging than porn fantasy. The reason is that most people in most churches don’t know that everyone else is in just as much pain as they are. The smiles are painted on. The suits and skirts hide scars. And the pastor isn’t really that excited about God; he’s just high on caffeine (I’m speaking to myself there!). We’re afraid to be real and authentic because then people will think we’re unspiritual.

Many churches are bigger fantasy playgrounds than the porn industry. So the question is this: Which is worse? Thinking that your spouse will never be satisfied with you in bed, OR thinking that God will never be satisfied with you in this life? The first is a result of looking at porn, the second is a result of attending some churches.

We’ll look tomorrow at some possible indications that you are attending a fantasy church, and what you can do about it.