Am I an Evangelical?

By Jeremy Myers

My online friend, Mike Keffer, who is also a contributor to our forthcoming book, Finding Church, sent me the following email and asked me to share it with you for your input…

Here is what he wrote:

I have been a Christian since May 1985…and I have never been evangelical…ever. I have tried, I really have.

evangelical I realize some of you now think that I am not a “true christian” whatever that looks like. Believe me, I have had the same thoughts. I was not raised in a Christian home. My parents are still unbelievers. George, a friend in High School, witnessed to me for an entire year and then, on the last day of school, I placed my faith in Jesus. It was His love for me that won me over. I was a very, very damaged kid. I had done a lot of bad things and feared Hell more than anyone so I knew what I was saved from and how awesome it was to become a believer in Christ.

Still, I never thought about sharing my faith, I just didn’t want to. I still don’t. At least not like pastors and evangelists say I should. Sure I ordered tracts, in fact there is about 1000 or so in the back seat of my car right now. I just never went door to door to pass them out. I never stood at a bus station or visited hospitals or food banks in order to witness to someone about the glorious Person of Jesus Christ.

It gets worse, I used to be a “fundie.” That’s right, a fundamentalist. And I never shared my faith even when I was a member of a fundamentalist church. Never even thought about it.

It gets worse. I am a seminary graduate. I added up the number of academic hours I have logged in addition to the training I have received and it may exceed 500 hours. I have lost track of the books, syllabi, cassette tapes, videos, etc… I have a BA, a ThM, a ThD, and a PhD. Plus I have graduated courses of study from at least four bible institutes. I have learned from the late Zola Levitt, Jeffrey Seif, Mal Couch, Charlie Bing, and Arnold Fruchtenbaum among many others.

Yet, I still did not develop a zeal for spreading the gospel to others. I don’t have the desire as I write this.

It gets worse still. I was once ordained as a minister of the gospel and a bible teacher. I taught at a bible institute for a while and then I taught my own students who took university level courses of study through me as an accredited mentor. I taught in the local church. I taught co-workers, family members, and I teach my sons. I am an effective teacher too, based on the reaction of those who have heard me. They say I act like I know Jesus, that is pretty cool.

So, what gives? Why don’t I share the Gospel?!

Just so you know, I renounced my ordination and I no longer teach the bible in a formal setting.

In fact, I no longer attend worship in any formal setting.

I have read literally hundreds of books too, I devour them. My OCD/Aspbergers assists me in reading books, I almost memorize them on a subconscious level. Still, I do not want to share my faith like you would think I would.

I guess I do manage to “share the gospel” but only (and I mean only) in a one-on-one basis, but never in a planned way. I do not carry a message or sermon around with me. The verses of scripture I memorize are for me, to help me, and not to share with anyone else. The tracts have been riding around in my car for about a month now. Recently, a fellow believer wanted to go to a local bus terminal during our lunch break one day and pass out the tracts I ordered. I have been stalling ever since…I simply don’t want to go. The thought seems like a colossal waste of time

What is wrong with me? Am I even a believer?

This cannot be normal.

Can the readers of Jeremy’s blog help me? Please share your thoughts about this.

I think Mike’s situation might be more common than he realizes… and he has had the courage to ask the hard questions.

So what do you think? Is he an “evangelical”? Is he even “saved”? Is there something “wrong” with him? Is there even a “problem”?

If there is a problem, is it with him, or does it lie somewhere else?

As you leave comments, be kind and constructive…

Check out these related posts on Scripture, Theology, and Church:

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Beyond Evangelical

New ebook by Frank Viola

Epic Jesus

Introduction to Theology: A Reading List

In Discipleship

Swanny

Mike – No worries brother, you are completely normal. I too have absolutely no desire to share the Gospel in the ways many Evangelicals do today.

I want to share Christ with others by loving, encouraging, and just being there to listen when people need help. Those type of actions show Christ to others way more than shoving a tract down someones throat and walking away.

It is all about relationships, and as far as I have experienced, today’s Evangelical methods do not build relationships with others. It leans more toward an individual, personal relationship with Christ.

Here is Christ… or at least the knowledge of Him, now go worship him alone.

I could argue that the methods and tactics Evangelicals use are actually detrimental to the Body of Christ, and the individualism they preach hinders growth in the Church (but here is where I agree to disagree with the approaches they take, and just love them for who they are).

You are normal, whatever normal really is.

Take care,

Swanny
- Mike
  
  Thanks Swanny. I appreciate your support. I have never felt “normal” as it were when it came to this issue. Many brothers and sisters seemed to have this fervor to witness, hand out tracts, go door-to-door through the neighborhood that I never, ever had. Ever.
  Now, one-on-one I tried to be a kind and responsive person who sought to be a good friend, a good neighbor or a good employee but never a “christian” friend, neighbor or employee, at least as it is understood these days.
  One thing I left out of the post Jeremy was kind enought to publish…I also believe in “free grace”. So isn’t my lack of desire to witness even worse when you consider this as well?
  Thanks again.
  - Swanny
    
    Mike, I do not think you have a lack of desire to witness. You just have a lack of desire to witness what man has shoved in front of a lot of people as THE way to “get” Christians.
    
    You keep up your desire to love one another, and encourage one another and forget about evangelism 101 taught by pastors that needed to grow “their” church.
    
    Swanny
    - Mike
      
      Thanks again!
      MK
Bud Brown

Mike,

Two questions.

1. Why do you define this as a problem?
2. What do you bring your status as a believer into question?

I’m just curious as to the origin of the guilt and self-condemnation. Perhaps your renouncing the ordination and of gathering with other believers was a futile attempt to throw off the real problem – the guilt and shame you were made to feel when you didn’t measure up to the expectations of others.

I have not used the term “evangelical” to describe myself in almost 25 years. I still hold the same beliefs I did then, but I saw that Evangelicalism’s move into politics was a fool’s errand. It was nothing more than an attempt to make people and make society good by force of law – legalism.

Now the evangelical movement has been hijacked by still other constituents such as the “earth care” folks. To paraphrase a former president, “I didn’t leave evangelicalism, it left me.”

But yours is a quest of another sorts.
- Mike
  
  Bud,
  
  I have been a part of a number of groups within Christianity; 4 different types of Baptists, the Reformed folks, the Brethren, the Messianic movement, the Bible Church folks and the non-denominational folks. All, without exception placed a great deal of emphasis of evangelizing. In fact, from the first few months after I came to know Christ I was sent out on witnessing campaigns! Witnessing to what I don’t know but I went. I never been a part of any group that didn’t urge, compel, order, demand, force, guilt or expect you to witness at some level to some body some where. I never wanted to go, though somebody witnessed to me for almost an entire school year. How do I explain this?
  
  As far as the second question goes, it is almost always linked; you should want to share what was freely given to you. Shouldn’t you? With no exceptions in real life, not counting the online community, I have never known a believer in reali life that I shared this with that didn’t question my salvation once he understood what I shared in Jeremy’s post.
  
  I renounced my ordination once I learned that there is no such thing in the NT beyond the Apostles. The clergy-laity division is ruining the local fellowships; it is a gift not an office and I am ashamed it took me a while to learn that.
  
  I no longer attend church but it has nothing to do with guilt, I simply don’t want to go. I was thrown out of one a few years back for disagreeing with our church’s position on the KJV and I still cannot shake the reputation that was hung around my neck.
  MK
http://www.facebook.com/people/Bob-MacDonald/1043189517 Bob MacDonald

It’s a question that comes up frequently. I think we should delight in who we are not in what we think someone else thinks we should be. I think we cannot know our impact on others. And if we are somehow true to the One in whom we live, then our fruitfulness will happen in due time (Psalm 1).
- Mike
  
  Bob,
  Thank you. I know you are right. In my experience I have never been “allowed”, for lack of a better term, to be whom I was intended to be. That is until recently. Leaving the church, renouncing my ordination, finding this blog and sharing who I am with the folks here. This has all helped me become the person I should have always been. Never ever understimate the power of the local assembly on a person’s life though, both for good and evil.
  Mike
unkleE

Mike, I doubt many of us are “normal” these days. And there are many who share some at least of your experiences, such as:

* feeling uncomfortable with many doctrines and teachings of the evangelical church, especially in the US (I live in Australia where things are a little different);

* not believing in church structures, clergy vs laity, big church buildings, etc;

* having significant questions about some accepted doctrines and moral teachings (you know which ones as well as I do);

* yet still believing in Jesus and wanting to follow him.

I sometimes wonder whether I am a genuine believer because I don’t have the same feelings and reactions as many other christians. But then I remember that Jesus called us to follow him and live in certain ways, more often than he simply asked people to believe, and said we know trees by fruit. And I see myself trying to help others, be loving, change the world in small ways, and change myself, and I know I’m following him in my own weak way. And so I stop wondering and just try to keep on following.

I think the key to evangelism is love. If we love others as Jesus calls us to, we’ll want to help them, and that means sharing good news with them. If I didn’t want that, I’d feel I lacked love, not that I wasn’t a follower. But that doesn’t mean we must feel comfortable with certain methods of evangelism, especially those that seem to be impersonal or lack love. I suspect we’d all feel better and do better if we focused more on helping people and meeting needs in the community – and the evangelism would follow more naturally.

I’m not able to judge whether you are “OK” or not, but I don’t think the criteria you are worrying about are the “right” ones. Best wishes.
- Mike
  
  Thank you unkleE. When the gospel was presented to me over 27 yrs ago, the young man never gave up on me. We talked at length for hours. We had a great friendship. I wasn’t diagnosed then but because of my “mental defects” George had to convince me that this person called Jesus really did love me. I knew my parents didn’t growing up so I was desperate to feel loved and yet very suspicious at the same time. Once I became convinced (9 mo later) I placed my faith in Christ.
  
  George evangelized me in a loving way, he developed a friendship-relationship with me like I think you do with others.
  
  MK
http://www.pastorpriji.com/ Priji

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (Acts 1:8 NLT)
- Mike
  
  Thank you Priji
Aaron Somane

I believe you are already sharing the gospel in your own special way.

Don’t worry about your not doing it like everyone else,thats human.
- Mike
  
  Aaron, thank you. It has taken a lot of courage to put these thoughts out there for feedback from others. I shared this privately twice and the reaction was very, very bad. I am getting there however.
  MK
Clive Clifton

Mike Even though I have not met you I love you, I feel tears mounting as I listen to your heart that is bursting to do the right thing for your saviour Jesus.

You are called by God to be you and you are a human being and not called to be a human doing.

One of Gods best friends was King David who was forgiven much as he loved God much. In Psalm 51 verse 17 he says “The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God”.

God never ever wanted us to be clones, When He chooses us He looks at the heart. Many, to many Churches want to clone us into the way they think God wants us to be, this is manipulation leading to control, the Church leadership where I attend is like this. Anything other than how they see a proper Christian is frowned upon.

Over the years; reading Jeremy’s blog, it has shown to me we are all a very mixed bunch and just like today you can pick out truths and encouragements from each contributor. None of us have all the truth, but God does not condemn us for that, in fact His plan has always been to have it this way; as it makes us communicate with one another, we are a disparate lot in many ways, it should keep us from being proud; thinking We are the One with all the answers. We are definitely not the One Jesus is.

Dearest Mike, you burden of OCD and Asp has driven you to learn and the Holy Spirit; has to me; guided you and enabled to to keep believing in the One. Should we pray He will deliver you from both these conditions so you might have peace?. I feel we have to celebrate who and what we are. “who will condemn us? will Jesus the Christ” Romans 8 v 34 as you read from verse 18 to 39 Mike be encouraged.

Psalm 139 v 13 “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mothers womb. Thank you for making me so complex”. You are beautiful, courageous, magnificent, intelligent, super human, a searcher of the truth, you are loved by God and called to be His son.

It’s because you have OCD and Asp that you are who you are, there is no one on the earth like you. I have a number of dear friends, 5, who have your gifts, they are wonderful and I love them and they love me. What is my prayer for each one of them. The strength they need to overcome prejudice against them, the ability to excel in their careers, to meet someone who will love them for who they are and to love themselves.

Are you spreading the good news with those you meet, yes, just by being you.

In 1 Corinthians paul writes in chapter 12 from v 12 and running into chapter 13 to the end about giftings. In 13 v 13 he says “there are three things that will endure- Faith, Hope and love- and the greatest of these is Love.

What is the greatest commandment, Love God and your Neighbors as you love yourself. We often forget the ‘love yourself tag’. Matthew 22 v 36 to 40.

First we are called to love.

Love you Mike, your brother in Christ Clive X X
- mike
  
  Wow, thank you Clive. You know what happens to those of us who are not clones don’t you? You get condemned as a heretic, you lose your friends, your reputation gets ruined and those who you prayed with and for abandon you. (true story by the way) It has taken me a long, long time to become the person I think I was intended to be. It left a fair amount of scars though.
  
  It took me a long, long time too after finding this blog before I had the courage to send these questions to Jeremy in hopes he would one day publish them. I did it because I came to trust Jeremy and those that post here. That is not easy for me, having OCD and Aspbergers. You are right, eveyone contributes on some level and that is how the local assembly was meant to be; everyone contributes with the gift they were given. That is not the reality of the local church though.
  
  You are very perceptive too. Yes, my OCD and Aspbergers forced me to go to school/seminary. It forces me to read books and memorize countless bits of information. I go to bed processing and thinking and I wake up where I left off. No I do not want to be healed from it I guess. I am trying to come to terms with these issues even after all these years, I know how I am perceived by others so for a long time I masked the symptoms in public and in church. Telling others in a public blog is huge for me.
  Thank you Clive for your love and encouragement. It has been a long time since anyone talked to me that way. I appreciate it more than I can express here.
  MK
Sam

Mike, the ways some people define “sharing the Gospel”/ “witnessing”, such as passing out tracts, going door-to-door with a memorized message, standing on street corners preaching and that kind of stuff rarely work, at least in this culture. I’ve always been suspicious that those methods run off people. Even if the people might be interested in Jesus, they don’t want to end up having to do those kinds of things, never ever. Perhaps your good common sense has told you not to witness that way for those very reasons.

My wife and I allow people to ask us, which happens at least once or twice a week, sometimes more. They ask if we’re part of some church, why we do the things we do and so on. We’re asked by neighbors, friends and people we meet. We respond that we’re Jesus’ followers trying to show love to our neighborhood, our city or whatever. We never get a negative response. Some people ask no more, but some do. Sometimes we have long conversations, answering their questions.

We spend time with our neighbors. We spend time with the street people. We spend time with minorities. We spend time with the homeless. We try to show them the love of Jesus. Most of them know without us saying a word why we’re there and who we represent, based on their comments. Some want to know more. So they ask. We answer their questions and talk to them about the things they really want to talk about. They listen because we’re responding to them.
- Mike
  
  Thank you Sam for “getting it”. I will be honest in saying that it was not intentional in that I consciously chose not to particiapte in any witnessing/evangelizing because I knew it was wrong. I thought they were right, I was just not wanting to do it.
  You have gotten it right though I think and I really apprecaite your saying so here. You and the others have shown me more support and understanding than I have experienced in the ministry and in my Christian experience on the whole.
  MK
  - Sam
    
    Just a few minutes ago a Christian gave us some food to distribute to the homeless. She wanted to give us tracts to hand to people along with the food, and thinks we should try to get them to attend some sort of service before we give them food. We told her we do not do that, and find it unnecessary since giving them a cup of water and a bit of bread works so much better.
    
    Most of them know why we’re there. Those who don’t often ask. Our answer: “We follow Jesus and we’re here to show his love to people.” Almost everyone “gets” it. On the other hand, I see the tracts in the trash, and what is said at forced religious services is usually not heard.
    - Mike
      
      Thanks Sam. I know folks like that. They think food or clothing earns them a hearing with the individual. Just feed them.
      MK
George Tammy Barrier

If you truely gave your heart to Jesus, then you are saved. The first question is, has your life changed? Or do you still do all the same things that you did before you got saved? Do you “hate” the things that you used to “Love”, and “Love” the things you used to “hate”? Example: going to church, cussing, drinking, smoking, listening to bad music, etc….
By the way, once saved, always saved.

We are all acountable to Jesus at the Beema Seat of Christ when we die for the things that we do after we are saved. Read my blog to help you to understand.
http://theworldssavior2.blogspot.com/2012/04/eternity-of-man.html
- Mike
  
  George, I am not certain what you mean. I believe in Jesus but I didn’t give my heart to Him. None of the things you mentioned have any bearing on my salvation but nonetheless, thank you for saying what I think you meant to say.
  MK
http://www.facebook.com/will.rochow Will Rochow

Mike, I hear your heart in this. Sorry, I don’t have any profound answers, but in many ways, I can relate. Peace & Blessings, brother, and thanks for sharing that.
- Mike
  
  Thanks Will. I am glad I had the courage to ask Jeremy to post these things. It is different when I say it here online vs. my immediate surroundings. Few here are as supportive as you folks are.
Clive Clifton

Woe Mike, how good is that that so many empathized with you. It’s good you have found a group of loving people who do not condemn but encourage one another. You are so humble so broken so open to the Lord. Hugs from me and Him. Love Clive X X (they are brotherly kisses by the way)
- mike
  
  Yea I know. I am reeling at the responses. Why is it so different here in real life, in my immediate surroundings? You guys listended and tried to understand me, most here in my circle of friends began to stare and back away (as if it was catchy or something
  
  Thanks to Jeremy for allowing this to happen. and thanks again for the love and encouragement, something else I just never got in my local church experience…ever.
  
  Mike
Pamela K.

Without reading through all the comments, I’m more than likely repeating what someone else has written. In my humble opinion, I feel that for some people, you can be a better witness of Christ by the way you live your life. As they say, “Actions speak louder than words.”. Even though I was raised in a Christian home and accepted Christ at a young age, I am put off by those that hand out tracts and that walk around wearing a sandwich board with bible verses painted on them. I think that we can be a more effective witness by feeding the hungry, be a comfort to those that are hurting and helping those in need. By doing this, we can hopefully open ourselves up to dialogue and share the Good News of Jesus Christ. I would stop beating yourself up for feeling the way you do and questioning your beliefs. Perhaps it is time for a break and to focus on your relationship with God to rejuvenate your spirit. I’ll be praying for you. Believe me, there are more of us Christians that have “Been there. Done that.”.
- mike
  
  Thanks Pam. I have tried building relationships vs. the whole tract air-assault type campaigns and I prefer the former. I have no way of knowing the impact I have made simply by being a good friend or co-worker but I hope they saw something of Christ in me.
  I wasn’t beating myself up but I know when I am different and few are comfortable being different as it where. As far as questioning my beliefs, that came primarily from others and I will admit after a while of hearing it (from some really credible folks too) I admit to being human and listening to them more than I should have.
  Thank you for your prayers!
  MK
http://www.delemares.wordpress.com/ sandra delemare

‘Always preach the gospel – use words if necessary.’
I was very humbled when a patient told me that I didn’t preach the gospel (I’d probably have got into trouble with the NHS if I had) – I lived it.
After 40 odd years since deciding to follow Jesus, I’ve never led anyone to the Lord – I have planted seeds, and like to think that somewhere down the line these have led some to a saving faith (whatever that is). I can relate to this, Mike.
- Mike
  
  Thanks Sandra. I have taught the Bible, discussed the reality of my faith with others, gave apologetic lectures, defended Christianity in hostile settings, etc…but I have never “led someone to the Lord” as it is commonly understood. Hopefully, someone somewhere heard somthing I said and it mattered in some small way.
  MK
sheryl

What’s wrong with you is probably what’s wrong with me. I’ve only led 1 person to the Lord waaaaay back in high school. It’s simply not what God has asked me to do. I’ve been involved in a lot of children’s ministry, and other stuff. I’ve been on the mission field etc.God has used me in many ways…just not to actually lead folk to the Lord. I’m comfortable with that.
- Mike
  
  Thank you Sheryl. It feels good to learn that I am not so “abnormal” after all. I am learning to be comfortable with who I am and what I am not.
  MK
Andrew Barker

Hi Mike,
I don’t think you’re an evangelical from what you say, but does it really matter? JB Phillips wrote a very popular translation of the Bible some years ago and two verses spring to mind. Rom 12:2 “Do not let the world squeeze you into its mould”. I would add, don’t let yourself be institutionalised as a Christian either! Eph 5:10 “Find out what pleases the Lord”. All of us have to do this and most of us struggle with it too.

You mention that you’ve used your ability to teach others including your sons which is great and surely that it spreading the ‘word’?

So Mike, I think you’re ‘evangelical’ in your own way, but I shouldn’t get too worried about it!
- Mike
  
  Thank you Andrew. No, it doesn’t “matter” I guess. Though I want to be counted among those who wants the world to know about Christ and how glorious He is…see the irony? I do think knowing Him is all that matters when you really get down to the bottom line, I just don’t share the gospel in a way that it is traditionally done if I do it at all.
  Thanks for your support.
  MK
http://www.tillhecomes.org/ Jeremy Myers

I have waited to weigh in here, because I wanted to see what others would say. I am so encouraged and joyful by what I hear.

I so wish all of us were not scattered all over the earth, and that we could all get together on a regular basis to hang out, encourage one another, and serve each other and the community.

Mike, thank you for having the courage to post these questions, and to everyone else, thank you for your insight, your grace, your love, and your encouragement.

I love you all!
- Mike
  
  Thank you Jeremy for the opportunity to share these thoughts. You didn’t have to but you did and I am grateful to you for allowing it. I agree with you, there isn’t enough of us to go around is there.
  Peace and Prayers,
  Mike
http://www.facebook.com/kylekknapp Kyle Knapp

Mike, I can’t tell if you’re seriously agonizing over this, or if it’s written tongue-in-cheek. If it’s the former, I’d recommend that you relax, don’t worry about whether the “label” fits, and just be who you are.

Your spiritual path sounds somewhat similar to my own – I got “saved” as a young adult, quickly moved into “professional ministry” and eventually renounced evangelicalism altogether. I wasted many years trying to fit into the role expected of me as a “good christian”. I did, for a season, do some “street witnessing”, “door-to-door evangelism” etc, but in never felt natural to me. Many times I received prayer for “boldness” but it didn’t help, “witnessing” always felt contrived, awkward, and even manipulative.

It’s rather telling to me now to realize that our contemporary evangelism models (high-pressure “turn or burn” sales pitches, passing out tracts, witnessing campaigns, the “sinner’s prayer”, etc) are simply NOT FOUND in the Bible. Jesus himself had opportunities to lead thousands at a time in salvation prayer, but didn’t do it (instead he spoke to them in riddles, apparently INTENDING for them NOT to understand – how could he have been so irresponsible!?) Instead, the New Testament’s many accounts of conversion/evangelism all seemed to “happen” naturally, in the context of life’s unfolding circumstances and relationships. Many were “divine appointments”, none of them were arranged by the church “evangelism committee”.

I recommend a simple “method” – toss out all formulas, agendas, expectations, and renounce all religious motivations – and simply listen live your life, responding to God’s voice when you hear it. Since I gave up the ridiculous notion that anyone’s eternal destiny is my responsibility, I am much freer, and, paradoxically, find myself sharing my faith, without trying, much more often, much more effectively, without guilt, coercion, fear, or pretense, than I ever did when I was doing so out of obligation.

(Sorry for the lengthy comment – I just discovered this blog, and, as you can see, these questions are close to my heart)
- Mike
  
  Kyle, thanks so much. Yes, are paths are similiar and I appreciate the insight and the sharing of your story. You are absolutely and I am getting there, as it were. I think you are going to fit right in.
Cara

I’m really not sure about what an evangelical is, but anyway after about 38 years of being a Christian I decided to be a Catholic/Protestant Predestination, Armenian, right-left wing (and I could add here evangelical/non-evangelical) Christian. I have the general impression that evangelicals are proud of it….just like charismatics are, just like Calvinists are, just like……I love them all, and I have prayed for them with many tears. I could, after 38 years, be very successful in any group of Christians but that is not the point is it?

Living Christian in the United States is about the best way to witness about Jesus in my personal opinion. There is so much sanctimonious Christian living going on, a lot of people have tuned us out anyway. You witness to them, they may throw a few stones, but it won’t be because of the reasons stoning/persecution of Christians happens in other places . No. We likely deserve it at this point in this country. Oh God, I ask You to forgive us.

I think you are already witnessing just like Jesus wants you to. And if the people around you are “Christian people” who are not being welcoming, well, you are being stoned by the religious among you in the spirit. And that is a privileged place to be because you are also saying, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing.” Thank you for being so gracious though you are at an impasse with your own family of God.
- Mike
  
  Thank you Cara. I appreciate the support and the perspective. It is true, our testimony needs to reach beyond the tv shows, the tracts, the revivals no one attends, etc…I have found that helping someone with a non-christian type of activity or assistance in another area is often more effective than the ambush-by-tract method.
  Besides, the stones don’t hurt as much as they used to.
http://www.facebook.com/clint.rodgers.14 Clint Rodgers

Mike, I applaud your courage for posting and putting your situation out there but you are not as alone as you might think. I could have easily wrote this post because almost everything in it is identical to my life and it has kept me up at night praying to the lord and asking Him ”What is wrong with me?”It is encouraging to know that the Lord is preparing many of His people for something different than the status quo
Thank you for reminding me that that I am not alone
- Mike
  
  Wow Clint, I continue to be amazed at the responses to this. Thank you for the support and for sharing your story too. I am coming to terms with this and learning to sort it all out. It is so good to know that we are all out there.
John Fisher

Words, words, words. I tend to be a pretty punny person who is all about the wordplay, so it bugs me a bit the way many people misuse words and how it perpetuates until you have to accept that the word no longer means what I feel it ought to mean. I understand that languages change and evolve over time, so it’s OK if over time words grow to have new connotations when used but it upsets me when it is, it seems to me, for the wrong reasons.

For example, if I tell a story about something quite unusual and noteworthy responses like “Wow, that’s really Great” or “Wow, that’s quite impressive” are reasonable. “That’s amazing” is probably an exaggeration, but probably a reasonable one, but the overuse of “That’s awesome” has made the word ‘awesome’ bland to me, when it should be describing being brought to an actual state of awe. And finally, “That’s incredible” now pretty much means the opposite of what it should, it should mean “There’s just not enough information for me to believe that is actually true” but instead it means “I am so convinced that that is true that I’m very impressed.”

How my rant about words relates to this post is that it seems like the greatest misuses are in religious contexts, and the word ‘evangelical’ being a good example. When we refer to the Apostolic Church we are referring to a particular denomination but any Christian, regardless of denomination can be an ‘apostolic’ Christian (note the Capital ‘A’ referring to a group of people, and the lower case ‘a’ being a description).

I myself believe that some things are so absolutely essential to truly be a Christian that if you lack these you really aren’t a Christian. For example, if you believe “There is no God, but Jesus taught good philosophy on how to live your life” you might live a good life following those teachings, but not be a Christian. I won’t maintain that I’m absolutely certain and definitely not infallibly certain, but I believe some essentials exist even though I’m not the ultimate authority to decide what those essentials are. That being the case, I’d like to be able to say that I’m a fundamentalist Christian, who believes that some things simply are fundamental to being Christian; however because Fundamentalist Christians don’t simply mean what the word ‘fundamental’ means, but that their particular beliefs have to be the correct fundamentals I can’t call myself fundamentalist because people would be lead to believe I mean something I do not.

In Mike’s case, is he evangelical? He may or may not be, I do not know enough from his words here to accurately judge that even were I an authority in such judging, but I will certainly say that choosing not to follow what an Evangelical says has a bearing one whether you are evangelical or not (again, note the upper/lower cases). I might say that every Christian should be apostolic, fundamentalist and evangelical, but that Apostolics, Fundamentalists, and Evangelicals are not particularly good authorities to determine any of those things. I might also say that any Christian should be a part of the catholic Church, even that by definition if they really are a Christian then they are by definition part of the catholic Church, not all of them necessarily being part of the Catholic Church as it exists on Earth; but few know the meaning of the word well enough and even those who do wouldn’t expect me to be using the word ‘catholic’ that way well enough to understand what I mean without further explanation.

“Am I an Evangelical?” No, Mike, you certainly are not. So what, why would you care to be? That’s not a very good question.

“Am I an evangelical?” I don’t know Mike, I’m not don’t know you well enough to judge and am not particularly suited to be an authoritative judge; but that is definitely a good question that you should be seeking to answer for yourself. Some of the things you describe not doing or caring to do I hope you already understand aren’t particularly relevant to your ‘evangelical’ status and you are only discussing the “It gets worse” in a tongue-and-cheek manner; other things I think are not necessarily determining factors, but are relevant to one really evangelically responding to the Great Commission, and are worth genuinely reflecting on what your disinterest means (or doesn’t mean) in regards to whether you are evangelical or not.
Mike

To Everyone:
Thank you. It took me a long time to get the courage needed just to send Jeremy an email asking him to consider posting these admissions of not being evangelical in the traditional sense.
You folks have been supportive and encouraging. I never wanted to be different, ever. Folks like me want to conform, to fit in. It is part of the diagnosis. I am also a people pleaser, at least I was. Didn’t like to say no to anyone. So you can now imagine just how difficult it was to say, “I don’t want to do this” or “why are we doing this”.
You guys have been great and I am glad Jeremy allowed me to share this with you.
Peace and Prayers,
Mike
- http://www.tillhecomes.org/ Jeremy Myers
  
  Mike,
  
  Thank you for posting this, and having the courage to send it in.
Nan

I would start by asking Mike one question; “What is the gospel?”
- Mike
  
  Not certain what you mean?
  - Nan
    
    Hi Mike,
    For many years I called myself a Christian, but didn’t know what the gospel was. I know this seems hard to believe, but if you ask many people today “What is the gospel?” you will find that they struggle to come up with the answer, and hardly ever is the answer the same. Since the gospel is the power of God unto salvation, I think that it is important that we know what it is.
    Before we can have boldness to proclaim the gospel, we must first know what it is. Therefore, I ask again; What is the gospel?
http://www.facebook.com/people/Princess-Ishtar/100001632048914 Princess Ishtar

Great questions, Mike…and great responses, everyone! I agree with people that have posted already – the Lord calls each of us to serve Him as He sees fit. I believe that He gives us each our own gifts and is pleased when we use them to glorify Him. I have found my voice for sharing His word and the Gospel in social media, through Facebook and Twitter. I have never been comfortable with face-to-face evangelizing either – as others have said, it feels contrived and –to me– as though I am selling something. I’ve never been comfortable enough with my personal knowledge of theology or religion to feel qualified to debate with anyone as to why they should believe. I’m most comfortable sharing the Word by actual “sharing the Word” through tweets & posts. I feel confident that you’ve inspired many through your teachings and the way you are living your life. Regarding the question of “am I really saved,” I feel your pain here…I struggle with this too, because I am tempted, because I don’t “evangelize,” because I told a lie or acted in a way that I consider “un-Christian.” So, every time the Prayer of Salvation is said at church, on TV, over the radio, etc… I say it again, myself. Really, I believe that once we have accepted Christ, we have been “saved by His blood.” We may wander or stray, but if we truly believe in our hearts that He is the Only Way and died for our sins, then we are saved by His Grace. Thanks for sharing your story! – Aggie
- Mike
  
  Thanks AggieI appreciate the kind words and the support. We are truly saved eternally by His Grace.
  Mike
roselover65

Hi Mike! Good questions; honest and that I like. I have one question back to you; I believe you are a believer and believe in the gospel and that is great; but I wonder if you are filled with the Holy Spirit too? The disciples had to wait and pray for the Holy Spirit to come over them before they had the boldness and power to witness; or more right: to bear witnesss and be witnesses of Christ (Act.1:8).Before that they were scared and just hide away. In human power, however wise, we can not by ourselves “save” anyone or make anyone to a born again believer.That is the work of God, the Holy Spirit through us. That is a key. Not even Jesus could or would do anything in his own power or on his own. He was anointed by the Holy Spirit to do good and deliver/save all that were in bondage by the devil in different ways (Act.28:10).
Love of people and of Christ is the motivation and what motivates us to see other people saved. The love of God is poured out in our hearts by the holy Spirit (Romans 5:5) and the fruits of the Spirit is love, peace, joy, kindness, patience, self discipline (Gal.5:22). and if we live and remain in Christ and his words we will bear much fruit (John 15).We will have the nature of God which is love and we will be Christ letters and we will have the motivation of love to see other saved and healed, and we will know God ourselves and wish others to know our good loving God too. We will be lights in darkness that cannot be hidden. People will see God in us and through us. That is to be a witness of Christ, and yes, we will share the good news of our good God and the gospel in different ways. Fruit is not produced by us but is a result of the Life of God in us and through us; a work of God’s Spirit when we allow him. He is a gentleman so we must open up for him; he will never force us to do anything; we are loved and love never violates itself on anyone. Salvation is a work of God and by grace he can use us to flow through. He did it all and He works in us and through us.He even works in our will for his good will to be done when we allow him to (Phil.2:13).
Faith comes by hearing the words of God (Romans 10:17) in the power of God’s Spirit . God’s words, that are through his Spirit through us, Spirit and life and filled with creative power…and God will give his Spirit to anyone that asks for “..how much more will the father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?” (Luk.11:13)

We are called to be like Christ in this world and for that we need God and his Spirit; He has promised to be with us and that is necessary fo the world to be saved since nothing we can ever do or even want just by ourselves. We need the love of God too. “Not by might, nor by power but by my Spirit says the Lord”. (Zechariah 4:6)