OK, this crisis series is starting to depress and bore me, so this will be my last post on it. I’m learning more and more every day, and so I am realizing the series could go on forever. But I want to move on. So in this post, I will close with three things: Some advice for those who have friends facing a crisis, some advice for those facing a crisis, and a story my wife ran across yesterday which sums it all up for us.

1. For those who have friends facing a crisis.

If you have a friend facing a crisis, just go be with them. Just listen to them vent. Don’t chide them for their emotions, fear, anger, hurt, despair. Please don’t quote Scripture unless they ask you to. Don’t offer theological truths which you think will help them. Don’t ask them what sin they might have committed to make God discipline them. In other words, don’t throw rocks. If you are afraid of saying the wrong thing, don’t say anything at all.

Most of the time, hurting people just want others to be there. If you see something tangible that they need, offer to provide it for them, food, clothing, money, helping hands, resources. The only intangible aid you should offer is prayer, and only say “I’ll pray for you” if you are also thinking of ways to be an answer to your own prayers.

Though our crisis is not catastrophic, my father died when I was two, and my mother says that what I have written above holds true in that sort of crisis as well. A friend of mine lost his brother in a hiking accident a few years ago, and he confirms this as well.

2. For those facing a crisis.

One of the things that bothered my wife and I initially is how when we shared with others that we were going through a crisis, they responded by sharing a crisis that they were facing or had faced in their own lives. Our first reaction was, “Don’t try to turn this around to you. I’m the one in pain!” But then we realized, “Wow, how self-centered is that?”

Yes, pain hurts, and sometimes life stinks. But it’s this way for everybody at times. And one way to get over your own pain, fear, hurt, and disappointment, is to realize that it’s part of life, that others are facing it too (and many of them much more than you are), and that you can either have a pity party for yourself, or try to help others through their own pain, which in turn helps you. And to help others through their own pain, go back and look at point number one above.

3. A Story

One day a Rabbi stood on a hill overlooking a certain city. The Rabbi watched in horror as a band of Cossacks on horseback suddenly attacked the town, killing innocent men, women, and children. Some of the slaughtered  were his own disciples. Looking up to heaven, the Rabbi exclaimed, “Oh, if only I were God.”

An astonished student, standing nearby, asked, “But, Master, if you were God, what would you do differently?” The Rabbi replied, “If I were God I would do nothing differently. If I were God, I would understand.”

Like it or not, I think the Rabbi is right. The best we can do in a crisis (and maybe the most we should do) is simply say, “I don’t understand.”

I’m in my final semester at Dallas Theological Seminary, and wow, am I looking forward to being done! I love studying; I don’t like seminary. Maybe someday I’ll explain why.

But here is a hint: In my “Eschatology” class (study of the End Times), three different students who were interacting with the professor used the following terms: “ontological bridge,” “theological taxonomy,” and “epistemological center.” And yet we wonder why the average seminary graduate has a difficult time connecting with the average person on the street.

Thanks to seminary, I understood what they were saying, but all I could think was, “I hope those students don’t preach much.” If seminary is teaching us to talk like this, seminary is a failure. If you ever catch me talking like this, come burn my books.

God continues to teach us things in this crisis as we seek to learn in and through it.  

One things we have learned is something all of us know, but which was good for us to experience. God can take our anger. Wendy and I were discussing this and she talked about how it is just like our children. Children often get angry at their parents for not giving them something that they really wanted (like candy before dinner), or taking something away that they had (like a sharp knife). The parents, if they are good parents, do this because the parent sees the bigger picture and knows what is best. While we don’t enjoy having our children upset at us in such situations, we can handle their anger because we know that we did what was best.

Similarly, we are God’s children. As our Father, He sees the big picture and knows what is best for us. We may get angry and upset, and if we do, He can take it because He knows we just don’t understand. I don’t think such anger is sinful or carnal, but just anger from ignorance. I think God would rather have us come to him in anger than run from him in anger. Nor does he want us to be angry, but come to him as if nothing was wrong, becuase that’s not genuine.

Yesterday, one of my daughters was angry at me, and I couldn’t figure out why. As I tried to figure out what had happened, I gently probed her with questions. But rather than answer my questions, she just kept saying “Nothing!” No matter what I asked, that was her answer. I realized that this is how I am acting toward God if I don’t vent my anger to Him, and instead just clam up about what I am feeling.

The Psalmists all understood this, and in the Psalms, we encounter some of the most angry writing in all of Scripture, and much of it is directed at God. The Psalmists had raw emotions and were not afraid to vent at God.

God wants to be with us in our pain and anger, especially if He is the one who caused it. This is because going to Him when we are angry and frustrated at life and at Him is an indication of our love for Him.